Deep down, I know I can’t do it all. The phrase “there aren’t enough hours in the day” has never hit home for me as hard as it did this last year. Adding the titles “mom of THREE,” dance company mom, and business owner definitely catapulted me into a whole new level of non-stop crazy in 2018. Until recently I had never made a late (or completely missed) bill payment, had very RARELY shown up late to an appointment or event, and had almost never left the house looking less than half-way decent. Today, I have trouble remembering what day it is, I consider 15 minutes late to be a WIN, and my new hobby is calling payment centers to explain why I shouldn’t have to pay the late fee on my latest bill. I lost track of time, I’m sorry, Chase Bank! Life is nuts.
Some days I love how busy I am and feel like I am conquering the world; other days I feel like I’m drowning and being suffocated with a pillow all at the same time. I have ridiculous standards, too. Especially when it comes to being caught up with the laundry at all times, having a clean and constantly tidy house (not realistic with a two year old boy and tornado-like six year old girl who fuels herself on crafting, imagination, and anything that involves tiny pieces of paper and glitter), and making sure the refrigerator and pantry are stocked with everyone’s favorite foods and treats at all times. It’s pretty much impossible to keep up, but I work towards it regardless.
I am lucky to have a husband who is willing to do anything I ask (IF I write it down for him…but who has time for that!?), a mom who lives three minutes from me, and great friends who are always willing to lend a hand or a listening ear. The problem is, I would rather walk a mile barefoot on a sea of hot Legos than actually let my “I can do it all” guard down and ask for help.
I don’t know why that is, exactly. I could definitely use help from time to time. I almost feel like I am juggling so many balls in the air, that if I let someone take one from me, I’ll drop them all. Is that martyrdom? Maybe. Do I blow up at my husband irrationally sometimes because he doesn’t do everything I do, the way I do it, when I want it done (without necessarily communicating it to him)? Maybe. Are my expectations unrealistic? For sure.
I am willing to admit all of that. However, it’s insanely difficult for me to do things such as ask my mom to come over for an hour while I get the laundry folded, or wait until my husband gets home to vacuum, sweep, and mop the floors. I do it midday with crying kids, wearing the baby, hurtling animals. I even hired someone to come clean my house once or twice a month, but found that I was spending too much time cleaning the house in preparation for the professional cleaning, that by the time the help came there wasn’t much left to do and I was basically wasting $100. She does do an amazing job on the bathrooms, though. No one can make my sink sparkle like this woman, let me tell you!
Will I ever change? Maybe. Probably not.
Do I really need the help? Or do I just need to chill out? Probably both.
Am I going to keep doing what I’m doing and try to remind myself at the end of the day that I did my best? You betcha! I’ll keep the same unrealistic expectations, keep hustling, and secretly continue hoping that everyone looks at me and thinks, “Wow, she really does do it all!” #sorrynotsorry
//Comment below if you feel me, mamas!//