The Loneliest Hour

It’s 3 am and it’s feeding time. The house is silent and it’s just a hungry baby and me awake in the house. He’s sucking peacefully as he tries to calm himself to sleep. I’m awake and I can hear my thoughts through the silence.

It’s the loneliest hour for a mom, in my experience. The moment he falls asleep and is back in sleeping bliss, I’m still awake. My brain can’t turn off and I’m alone again. My thoughts race about what’s ahead for the next day. As moms we never have down time, we are always constantly moving and anticipating our next moves.

However, I came to realize that this was my time to unwind. Even though I was awake during a time when I wasn’t able to be “productive,” I still was able to reflect and meditate on what the previous day had brought me and to anticipate the day ahead. Laundry wasn’t folded and dinner wasn’t prepped during these hours, but I was able to reconnect with myself and feel gratitude for everything I had. This gratitude hour was my “me time.”

I began to look forward to these quiet hours to myself. Everything was calm in the house and I could hear myself think. Being a mom will always be challenging, so these moments of quiet are a blessing. This lonely hour has allowed me to reflect on how lucky I am. I have two healthy and happy babies who are thriving under my care.

I remind myself that these feedings aren’t going to last; I will miss these moments in a few years when my kids are grown. Feeding is over, and my thoughts are slowing down…I am able to sleep with a peaceful mind and rest because this lonely hour is my time as a mom to reconnect with a very important person: me. 

Ashley Chan
Ashley was born and raised in North Texas and settled down in Frisco. She met her husband while playing intramural basketball at UNT. Ashley taught Pre-K and then was a trainer for a technology company until having her little one.She loves cooking, going for walks with the whole family and watching HGTV and Food Network. She's loves to keep up with the latest tech gadgets and is the nerd of the family. She and her husband own pandachans productions, which specialize in video production. She spends her free time trying to finish her adult coloring book, reading the news and enjoying home life with her little one.