As moms, I think we have all struggled at some point with setting personal boundaries for ourselves, but setting boundaries in our lives is critical. When we set boundaries, we draw the line between what we will allow and what we will not allow in our lives. By creating boundaries, it shows others where you stand. Having boundaries creates structure for your children. But boundaries do not just apply to parenting or your children. There are other boundaries that must be made in your personal life, your marriage, your family.
Many of us struggle with setting boundaries. We never want to say no. But with healthy boundaries, saying “NO” and standing by it is part of having a boundary. Having boundaries is not about a “yes, yes, yes” to anyone and everyone; it is about saying, “NO;” accepting it, and walking away. This can be quite the challenge for us “pleasers”, us “YES” people, but having boundaries for yourself is healthy and necessary. If you do not have boundaries, people can and will expect everything from you. Saying YES all the time does not make you a better mom or a better wife or a better friend. Being a YES girl is exhausting.
Setting boundaries and learning to say NO has been a struggle for me. I never knew that I was the “YES” girl until recently. I realized I was unhappy being the YES girl because I was doing everything for everyone else and nothing for myself. I felt like this is what us moms and wives are “supposed” to do. I didn’t realize how much I truly did nothing for myself. I was always waiting and worried about who needs what next, who needs fixing, what can I do next for my kids, my husband, my family. I was exhausted after all their demands and needs and EXPECTATIONS. Me being the YES girl became an expectation from me by others. Once I started to set personal boundaries for my own well being, I became happier. I found power within myself by using the word NO. Or by saying, “I cannot today,” or “I have to cancel.” When I say NO now, I truly mean it. I am learning to have a healthy balance between saying yes and no and when I use those two magic words.
For me, being a YES girl lead me to being taken advantage of and used. Even in high school, I said pretty much yes to everything. I guess I struggled within myself, thinking that by saying no, maybe people would not like me or be disappointed, so I might as well just do it. This same type of thinking has followed me as a daughter, sister, wife, mother, and friend. Within the last year, I have discovered this about myself and one day I just started to put my tiny little foot down. I do not mean for us to be selfish. Having boundaries is quite the opposite. Having boundaries and saying NO if it does not serve you is about protecting yourself, protecting your integrity, your standards, your morals.
As mothers, this is an important example to show our children. If you have daughters, it is YOUR job to instill the implementation of boundaries: physically, mentally, and emotionally. Would you want your children to not have boundaries for themselves? That is a scary thought. So why should it be any different for you as an adult?
Children need boundaries and adults need boundaries. If you are a YES girl, please think about setting boundaries. Remember: you are not being selfish. If anyone takes issue with your boundaries, then they just might be the problem. Remember, your boundaries WILL NOT please everyone. They are not meant to please the masses; they are meant to protect YOU.
I wish when I was younger I did all this for myself. I was taught this but I chose differently. I spent my life doing things other people’s way for the most part. They were the choices I made. Knowing what I know now, I was not happy and I look back, and think why. I did not set clear boundaries for myself and for others. Now that I have set boundaries for myself, for my own mental health, heart, and future, I feel more powerful than I ever imagined. I can say NO and not feel guilty. I stand with my personal boundaries. With boundaries and saying the word NO, comes a wonderful, empowering, self-loving, self-respecting feeling.
If you are a YES girl (like I was), set a boundary for yourself. Try and use the word NO. You are not being rude or mean. The word NO is a part of life. If someone does not respect your boundary or you saying NO then walk away. May all of us women stop being YES girls and raise our daughters to NOT be YES girls. The YES girl generation in my family stops with me.
