The Last One Up: Finding Quiet Moments to Reflect on Motherhood

I am a night owl by nature. Around 10 pm is when I get my second wind. I think it is part “I have time to myself, I must maximize it”, and the fact that I always have something on my to do list, and I just like it. My husband and I often look at each other and think “will we ever learn” when we are crawling into bed at 11:30, yet again. Did I say 11:30? I meant 12:30. But the truth is, I don’t hate it.

But there is a certain type of late night that I really enjoy. It is special to me. Every so often, I find myself awake after everyone else has gone to sleep. I move throughout the house, taking care of tasks, clearing piles and tidying up. It is then that my heart gets all soft and melty for what I get to experience.

As I clean up the dishes, I think about how at breakfast they begged for pancakes until I finally relented. Then, at lunch the applesauce and chocolate chip muffin were eaten but the sandwiches were left untouched. Finally, at dinner we all laughed when someone made a ridiculous joke that made no sense and then cheered when everyone ate their dinner.

Folding laundry, I think about how much all three of them are growing and how fast they are doing it. I smile as I think about my baby’s little toes poking through the pajamas she is outgrowing. I promise we will buy you new pajamas soon, baby. These clothes have memories attached to them. Memories I don’t want to forget.

As I start to pick up the toys scattered throughout the house, I remember how this morning they played restaurant and how I don’t want to forget my two year old asking “What you like, Mommy?”and that two minutes later he brought me a plateful of dinosaur figures and called it dinosaur pizza. These little messes remind me that they have growing minds with playful imaginations.

When I am serving them, physically caring for them in these mundane ways, that is when my heart is overflowing with love for them.

I am doing this all in a quiet house, late at night and everyone else is sleeping, with only one or two lights on in the entire house. They all know they are safe here, loved here.

I finally sit down “for just a few minutes” and do my nightly scroll through the photos and videos of the day. No matter what has happened that day, somehow late at night, I suddenly want to gather them all up and play and snuggle. But not quite enough to actually wake them.

I treasure this quiet time. On the good days, of course. Though I find it is especially meaningful on the hard days, because they happen, but they pass. Through these simple, mundane tasks, I am reminded that my life is beautiful.

In the trenches of motherhood, it is important to find these quiet moments because that is where you are reminded what it is all about.