With a new year comes an abundance of resolutions and promises we intend to keep. While my goals usually involve making healthier choices, my pledge to myself this year is to be more present in the world. These are four ways I hope that I, and all of us who are looking to live with more purpose and presence, can accomplish this goal.
1. Put Down Your Phone.
Step away from the screen to make eye contact with your children when they’re talking to you. Show them that you’re interested in what they have to say. We may be unbelievably good at multi-tasking: we can listen to our child’s story about what kind of animal they want to be when they grow up while looking for a good Instant Pot recipe on Pinterest at the same time, but we’re totally sending the wrong message. We tell our children to “look at us” when we’re talking to them, so why aren’t we consistently doing the same? This is something I’m super guilty of doing. Sometimes it’s inconvenient. Yes, we might be in the middle of something important, like texting our husband to pick up a Moscato on the way home. Turn the interruption into a teachable moment: “I’m asking daddy a question; can you wait your turn so I can give you my full attention?”
2. Reconnect.
Call that friend you haven’t talked to in a while. “Liking” their posts on Facebook doesn’t count. Don’t just call to say hi and expect the conversation to last a few minutes. Make sure you have time to sit down and really chat about life. They miss you as much as you miss them. Try super hard to not spend the entire time talking about the kids. They are your life, yes, but you need to give yourself permission to be selfish for a second and talk about how each of you have been doing. Make sure you do as much laughing as you can. If it involves a funny story about your child—since pretty much all of our funny stories are about our children now—then embrace the humor of motherhood. If you can tell a funny story about your child that doesn’t involve some type of bodily excretion, you get bonus points!
3. Engage.
Start a conversation with the person bagging your groceries or taking your coffee order. Don’t let the conversation be as robotic as it usually is: “How are you doing?”; “Fine, thanks.” “Did you find everything okay?”; “Yep.” Make an effort to connect to them in some way. If you’re an introvert or you’re just having one of those “I don’t feel like talking to anyone” days, then smile. Genuinely smile. They may have a level of customer service to uphold, but they aren’t your servant. Treat them like a human, maybe one who is just as tired and stressed as you are, and let that smile be a silent, “Me, too. We’ve got this.”
4. Show Respect.
Make an effort to be more respectful to all of the people you interact with out in public. Allow this new attitude of being more present to extend to them, too. Exist in the little moments by treating them as life-changing moments. A nasty look, sharp words, and hostile body language can stay with a person for longer than you might imagine. We live in a crazy, messed-up world and being conscious of our behavior and actions is a necessity. Sarcasm needs to be reserved for friends and family who know your personality. Words tinged with bitterness need to stay in your head. Why ruin someone’s day because they’ve annoyed you? If you need someone to move, or bring you more iced tea, then just ask nicely. Do what we tell our children to do all the time and use your manners.
It all boils down to the word I have posted in my classroom, the word that I use over and over when I redirect my own children for acting like the creepy little coconut pirates from Moana: KINDNESS. Be kind to everyone, no matter what. Allow yourself to dwell in these little moments and to present yourself with decorum and love. We all deserve to be treated this way—let’s make it a great year.
