My oldest child is about to turn 11, which makes me feel pretty old and means I have been parenting for over a decade now. I feel like I have a decent handle on many things when it comes to parenting, but there are, of course, just as many that catch me by surprise or are still a bit of a struggle.
Once I had my fourth baby, things felt very busy—someone needed something every.single.minute. Over the past few years, I’ve added a few things to my toolbox that help ground and center me in moments of struggle, emotion, or busyness.
Parenting Mantras That Really Help
Affirmations are common and popular these days, and I have a bunch mentally tucked away for times I need a boost. But these are three I come back to time after time. Not only are they highly effective for me in my parenting, they are just as effective for me as an individual!
What if they are right where they need to be?
I first heard this question from Simply On Purpose, and it has stuck with me ever since. For the first several weeks of the school year, my three-year-old resisted going to preschool. Dropping him off meant prying his arms off my neck. Now, he’s my third, so experience told me this would probably be short-lived, but it was still hard to see him struggle! I’ve gone back to this mantra of “What if they are right where they need to be?” many times as my kids have gone through transitions or frustrating situations. Sure enough, now my son loves going to school and is practically pushing me out the door when it’s his day to go. Keeping this mantra in mind has helped me slow down, be patient, and realize that a difficult moment might be a helpful step in their development and growth as a human.
Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean I’m doing it wrong.
As my kids get older, further along in elementary school, and begin to have lots of different experiences—some of which are welcome, some which aren’t (ha!)—it’s easy for me to fall into the thinking that because it feels hard, I must be doing something wrong. Of course, I always ask myself if there’s something I can do to be more supportive, helpful, etc. Or if we do, in fact, need to change direction. But just because my child is going through something difficult, it doesn’t mean I am failing. This mantra has eased my anxiety and frustration several times, and though I’m not perfect at it, it has helped me to parent more calmly in those harder moments.
They are not giving me a hard time; they are having a hard time.
I think we’ve probably all heard this before from various parenting accounts, especially those geared toward toddlers. But I have found it to be especially true with older kids, as well. Even if they are actually giving me a hard time (it definitely happens), usually it means THEY are having a hard time. When I first heard this phrase, a little light bulb came on in my mind. I realized that we’d both come out better on the other side of a tantrum, disagreement, or parenting situation if I did my best to dig a little deeper. I think we all, no matter our age, respond and learn better when others seek to truly see us and what we’re going through.
If no one has told you today, you are a great mom and you are doing an amazing job! What affirmations or mantras help you as a parent or individual?
