Yes, I said it. My husband and I have been scheduling sex for a few months, and it has been working phenomenally. Scheduling sex is a priority for us both! Have you all seen those TikToks or Reels where couples say in the morning that they are going to have sex, then by the time it’s night time, they’re in their sweats, and it’s off the table? Cause I see it all the time! Yes, it is in jest, but still.
Let me explain.
We don’t just say first thing in the morning, “Let’s have sex tonight.” Scheduling one to two weeks out works best for us. We review our schedules and make sure we have the same sexpectations.
Why Scheduling Sex Works for Us
My husband and I have been together coming up on 12 years, married for over seven. Never in my earlier years of marriage would I imagine we would get to the point where we were scheduling sex. But it is working well for us!
In this season of our lives, our schedules are so insanely busy. There are some weeks where my husband has a full workday followed by four nights worth of meetings. If I see him by 9pm, I’m lucky. Add on the fact that I am accelerating my way through finishing up my elementary education degree, and we might never have time to be intimate.
Scheduling Sex is a Priority
What day and time works best?
This is where we look at our schedule. If my husband has a full workday and won’t be done his meeting until 9pm. or later, chances are he is going to want to eat dinner and chill. If I know I’m going to have a class to work on, or our son has a late martial arts night, then most likely that night will be eliminated. This allows us to not only know what kind of work or school week our partner is encountering, but we identify the openings.
Put it on your calendar.
Yes, there’s a calendar invite and everything. Why? When we put it on our calendar, we are putting it down as something important that we do not want to forget about or look over. But if we do “forget” about it, there’s that little reminder that pops up!
Discuss the expectations.
This doesn’t necessarily take place a week or two in advance. Maybe the morning or afternoon of, we will talk about sexpectations. You ladies know what I mean. Is this a quickie? Are one of us looking for something in particular? We lay it all out there, so there’s no disappointment when one of us wants to do or get something and the other isn’t ready for it.
Stick with the schedule.
This is huge for us. We want each other to know that there is a priority on us having intimate time together. After all, my husband is the only man I’m going to sleep with for the rest of my life, so I want to make it a priority. Between school, work, and our son, sometimes we are “too tired” but then remember that this should be a priority.
Let me be very clear.
Do not think that just because you have scheduled sex that the excitement and level of intimacy is not there…quite the contrary, at least for us. In this season of life, we are struggling in certain areas with how crazy and hectic our schedules are. There’s been school issues for our son, I’m in school full-time, one of our cars stopped working, medical bills popping up, and about a million other things. But our sex life has been on fire! I credit the fact that we are both putting in effort to make it a priority.
Scheduling sex is a priority. By making it such, we are removing the thoughts of…”Are we having enough sex?” Some weeks it’s more than others, and some weeks it’s non-existent Case in point, I had an eye infection and could barely see for a week, and was in so much pain. We adjusted our schedule knowing that this very unexpected thing came up. But we were able to make up for it in our sex scheduling for the next week.
If you’re thinking of jumping on board with scheduling sex, I am here for it! Just realize that it’s going to be a little awkward that first time you approach your partner with, “Hey babe, let’s schedule sex.” Trust me. It sounds weird. It was weird to talk about. But now it has become second nature.
Will we always schedule sex? Honestly, I’m not sure. But I do know this…for now I do not want to give it up. Scheduling sex is just working too darn well!