I’m a sucker for a good wedding.
I’m not quite at the Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn Wedding Crashers level, but hey, give me an open bar and dancing and I’ll probably like a lot of things.
These days, from the moment a couple gets engaged, it seems that every waking moment of their (or her, let’s be real) wedding planning journey is documented on social media. I love this. I hate this. Here’s the rub: I did not like my wedding. It has taken me nearly five years to cop to that, and honestly, it’s a huge weight off my shoulders.
There are a lot of reasons why I didn’t like my wedding. We didn’t have a cake. We didn’t have a professional photographer. There wasn’t an open bar; we didn’t have any alcohol at all. My dress cost $200. We didn’t have a grand send off by all in attendance with bubbles or bird seed. Our rehearsal dinner was at Palio’s Pizza. I was young and I thought I didn’t need those things to have a “good” wedding. While I still stand by that, I think a few of those things would have been nice in retrospect.
My biggest piece of wedding advice to newly engaged couples is to elope.
I had never been one of those girls who dreamed about her own wedding. I loved looking at bridal magazines while planning imaginary weddings, but not necessarily for myself. I had always imagined that I would elope somewhere beautiful, just my fiancé and myself. In that version of my imagination, the only other people there were a photographer and an officiant. However, when I actually got engaged, my husband really wanted a wedding. To this day, it’s a huge point of sadness for us both. He felt like we needed a wedding to please our parents. I felt like I just needed to make him happy by planning a wedding.
I had to do all of the planning and everything by myself even though it was not what I dreamed or imagined. My fiancé (now husband) left for law school out of state the weekend we got engaged. This was very stressful to do alone and just like with every wedding, a lot of emotions go into wedding planning. Emotions with the in laws, emotions with parents, emotions with your fiancé. It was very difficult, and I cannot tell you the amount of times I begged my fiancé to just elope during the process…not because of the stress, but because that’s what I actually wanted.
Once the day came, I was only happy because it meant it was finally the day I got to marry the man I loved. I was so relieved when it was finally over and we were in the car on our way to our honeymoon.
Our wedding was NOT our “best day ever.”
My husband and I talk often about that season of our lives and we both know we could and should have done things differently; he should not have cared as much about what his parents thought and I should have been able to trust in the security of our relationship enough to be vulnerable with him and share my true feelings about having a wedding.
Days when we lived in London and could explore the city as young, naïve people, days when we go camping, days when we get breakfast and go to garage sales, the day our son was born, and so many more…those have been our best days ever.
It’s ok to say it: “I didn’t like my wedding.”
It might bring a lot of peace and calmness to your life. If you did love your wedding, embrace it! The misconception that the wedding day has to be your best day ever is tiring. There are many more beautiful days ahead!