The seven-year itch is a psychological term that suggests that happiness in a relationship declines after around year seven of a marriage.
Source: Wikipedia
On the eve of my seventh wedding anniversary, after a long, exhausting fight, I lie in bed pondering my relationship with my husband up to this point.
Seven years.
Will there be another seven? Or 17? Or 47?
Does he still love me as much as he did when we said, I do?
Does he still see me the way he did when we were young, carefree, and childless 10 years ago?
And just as important, how do I feel about these questions in regards to him?
I don’t hold these thoughts in my head. I bring them up because before I can go to sleep and wake on the anniversary of the morning that was once the best day of my life, I need to verbalize what is going on in my head. After all, the long, exhausting fight mentioned earlier was not between us, it was the battle of bedtime between two adults and a toddler who spent the weekend successfully figuring out how to escape his crib. E-X-H-A-U-S-T-I-N-G. Side note: I once proclaimed How Sleep Training Changed my Life, but am clueless as to how to handle a 19-month-old escape artist. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated. This pregnant mama is NOT up for newly formed bedtime shenanigans.
That’s why this chat is important. We are consistently exhausted by our children, our work, our never-ending responsibilities, and left with no means to invest in our relationship. So, tonight we put away our laptops, plugged our phones in outside of arm’s reach, and turned off the television.
We talk. We laugh. We realize the elephant that shows up in the room on occasion, is not the dreaded “seven-year itch” approaching, it is simply the fact that sometimes we just aren’t syncing up and there is nothing wrong with that.
If you are approaching your seventh anniversary with your partner or have had fears of your relationship beginning to dwindle around this time (or anytime, in fact), here are seven ways you can keep things going in the right direction and keep the spark alive in your marriage:
#1 Communicate – This is the biggest no-brainer, but also one of the most overlooked attributes of a successful relationship. Verbalizing everything that has been going through your head at the end of a long day is even more tiring than the day itself. However, never underestimate the power of words and intentional exchanges with the person who matters most to you. The simplest thing is often the most valuable thing.
#2 Keep Your Expectations High – You most likely thought very highly of your partner and expected the best of them during dating season. They obviously met or exceeded those expectations if you ended up exchanging vows and having children with them. Things may have changed (A LOT) since those carefree, blissful days, but don’t ever expect or accept mediocrity when it comes to your love life. The minute you open that door is the minute things start to fizzle.
#3 Embrace Change – Change is constant while navigating adulthood. Babies, jobs, moves, etc. Some are welcomed, some are planned, some are a complete surprise. The key is to roll with the punches, swing back up to #1 (communicate!!!), and continue to take on the journey you promised to one another TOGETHER.
#4 Set New Goals – Take the time to set new challenges for yourselves. As parents, chances are that every day is a new challenge, but looking at it from a relationship perspective, it’s important to evaluate your life as a couple and put yourselves up to the test of reaching for new accomplishments.
#5 Make An Effort – With this, I am talking about appearance. Most of us do not look the same as we did in our wedding photos 7+ years ago, and those of us who have had children during that time have probably experienced bodily changes. On the days I feel the least connected to my husband, one of those factors always has to do with how I feel about myself. On the days I put effort into my looks, I almost immediately feel a sense of confidence in our relationship. There’s no way I am washing my hair and putting on makeup every day of the week, but I definitely make some sort of effort a majority of the time.
#6 Try New Things – I have always wanted to be a runner but have never followed through. This month, my husband got me a treadmill so that I can finally scratch this itch of MINE. He is not at all interested in becoming a runner per se, but it is something we are going to do together because a couple who tries new things together, stays together. It’s science, right?
#7 Live in the Moment – Many of us moms are planners, type-A, OCD, you name it. A lot of the time, our partners are the opposite. No matter what side of the spectrum you find yourself, make sure you’re both being present and embracing what life throws at you. Because the night your toddler decides to jump out of his crib and wreak havoc on your Sunday evening, there is no better way to handle it than to handle it together with a smile.
What do you do to keep the spark alive in your marriage?
