Do you wish you had more mom friends?
Finding friends when you’re an adult is hard. Finding other mom friends when you’re a mom is even harder. Or at least that’s what it felt like for me when attempting to cultivate mom friendships.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about motherhood, it’s that you shouldn’t do it alone. You need a “village”. A village with people who love you, support you and really get you. A village with people that you respect and trust.
But how do you find that village and get to that point?
In my limited tenure as a parent, I’ve found that my close mom friends are some of my most cherished friendships. I have two mom friends that I have built relationships with over the last year-and-a-half since becoming a mom. These two women are my sounding boards, offer sage advice, and understand the trenches of motherhood. They just get it. When we’re having a bad day, we can text each other for encouragement. When we need advice, we can offer what might work.
These types of mom friendships are crucial
There are things that I can’t turn to my close girlfriends without kids (though, I love them!) for random help, like teething, or picky eating, or what preschools to look into. There’s something magical when you connect with another mom who just gets it.
As with any meaningful relationship, it’s important to cultivate it. It’s kind of like dating, if you think about it. You have to be intentional and pour your time and energy into growing that friendship. It doesn’t happen overnight. You have to be willing to go beyond surface-level conversations to become true friends.
How to Cultivate Meaningful Mom Friendships
1. Schedule the time
It’s important to keep up your mom friendships. My friends and I schedule a dinner date once a month. We carve out time away from our kids and husbands to have quality time together. Sometimes it takes a couple of tries to find a date that works with all of our schedules, so we make a point to schedule it to make it happen.
When we can’t come up with a date to hang out sans kids, we’ll plan a playdate. Our kids get to play and moms get to catch up and have conversations with other grown ups.
2. Go deeper
I remember sitting at a donut shop with my two mom friends. We were having a conversation about how we were raised and we realized how similar our stories were. We laughed until our sides hurt and tears started to fall. It was at that moment that I knew, without a doubt, that these were my friends for life. I love that we can move past surface-level conversation and go straight for the deep life stuff. No matter what we’re going through in parenting, marriage, or work, we can talk about it in a safe, no-judgment zone. It’s a space that I am so thankful for.
3. Check in regularly
I’ve never been the type to call girlfriends every day. I’m lucky if I chat with a friend on the phone once a month. I know that whenever I have an impromptu call with a friend, I usually walk away from the conversation feeling encouraged. Real friends fill you up with good energy. So while I may not call my friends as often as I’d like, I will randomly shoot them a text to say hi if we haven’t communicated in a while. These little check ins are like tiny boosts of encouragement. And if you have the opportunity, give those friends a call if you’re in the car (hands-free, of course), if you’re in the school pickup line, or find yourself with some kid-free time (maybe naptime?).
Find your mom friends and love them well
It can be intimidating and downright nerve-wracking making new friends. Mom friendships are everything. So when you find the right mom friend or group of mom friends, hold on to them. You know, the ones who will bring you meals when you have a new baby, watch your kids at the drop of a hat, come help you whenever they can, and you can tell them anything without fear of judgment. Hold on to those mom friends and love them well.
