With the start of the school year right around the corner, I, like many of us are feeling all the feels, the fears, and all of the unknowns. It is a lot. The tough decisions we have had to make have been unprecedented and, I feel, like a lose-lose situation. The struggle is real. Especially when you have multiple children who are different ages and at different school campuses. Trying to navigate all that is a huge task within itself.
But for some moms like me, this new school year is the first year of “real school” for many of our little ones. My last and final baby will be starting Kindergarten soon. Many months ago I was an emotional wreck thinking about my little guy starting Kindergarten and how am I to “let him go”. I was not and am not ready. The pandemic has made it much worse.
My guy is a little guy, just barely turning about five about two months ago. Never been to preschool. I was so worried about his education and how he would naturally adjust. I have often compared the kindergarten years of his siblings and realize that Channing’s version of Kinder will NOT be like his older siblings. No field trips, no pep rallies, recess will be structured differently, lunch will be different. And it saddens me. I want him to have it be normal. I know ALL of us want “NORMAL” back. But I must come to face the fact that it just will not be.
This is such a process for me to work through. I have cried the tears. I have talked my husband’s ears off with all my big feelings. I have struggled with letting my guy grow up. He is my baby. But it is time for him to spread his little wings, share his personality and humor, make friends, make “memories”, and step out to becoming a bigger boy. Everything in me wants this year to be “normal” again. But nope, not a chance…yet. It saddens me that his experience will not be the same as his siblings. This hurts my soul.
I remind myself this is not my fault. It is what it is. His experience will be what we make of it. Mainly my attitude, optimism, and fun will define his Kindergarten school year. It is up to me to help facilitate a somewhat traditional year, full of giggles, hugs, breaks, crafts, fun painting, creating, learning the alphabet and numbers, and my main goal is for him to sit still for longer than five minutes and learn to write his name!
The choices we have had to make on a whim, with little to no information, have been overwhelming to say the least. I know we all are trying to navigate the schooling, working, finances, social interaction or lack thereof, the mental and emotional aspects…it makes you want to scream; at least for me it does. There is no RIGHT decision, there simply is not. This is what I do know, you have to do what is best for your family, your children. You have to be able to have some sort of peace within yourself and your decision.
I’m remembering that children are resilient and look to us. BE the calm for your children right now; that is our JOB. I am trying to remind myself of this daily. Once we get into a routine and adjust to this “norm” my hope is that it will just flow naturally. (fingers crossed)
Funny thing is, months ago, my greatest concerns were focused on my little guy starting school, away from me…but for now, we will hold onto that baby-faced, long-haired boy just a little longer. So find a positive, make these weird, uncertain, and sad times a little better with a little positivity and laughter!